Profile
by Apple Snapple
Summary: Mukahi's fanfiction profile is a really weird one. And it starts TWO chain of events. Weird. Slight Dirty Pair, if you squint really hard. Definite uke pair. XD Oneshot, rated T for swearing. Crackish, in a way.


**Ahem...This shall be my uke pair fic AND dirty pair fic all combined into one. Because I'm just humorful that way xD**

**Oh yes. And hyperdude's writing a oneshot dedicated to ME XD. Yay!! -bounces-**

* * *

"I absolutely ABHORE hyperbolas!" Mukahi shouted. 

"Why do you hate them?" Oshitari asked.

"Cause! They're like, psychic! THEY GIVE OFF BRAIN WAVES!"

"...Gakuto, it's just a hyperbola."

"IT'S ALIVE!"

"..."

Mukahi shook his head in disgust. "Never mind! You wouldn't get it. I'm going to get a drink." He walked out of the room.

Just then Shishido ran into the room carrying a laptop. "I FOUND HIS PROFILE ON he shouted.

"Who's profile?"

"Gakuto's!"

"Gakuto has a profile?" Oshitari stared.

"Well no DUHH! He writes fanficiton! He has to have a profile!"

"Okay."

Shishido sat down and began scrolling through the page. "Let's see..."

_Name: Person Someone_

_Age: 153.22435_

_Gender: Pole_

_DoB: The 89th of December, Year 2121_

_Height: I am vertically challenged._

_Weight: I am...horizontally challenged. I think._

Shishido twitched. "His profile's weird..."

"What did you expect?" Oshitari asked.

"...Good point."

_Secretly wants to: Marry Yuushi. Cause he's just cool that way and NO ONE can take him away from me! NO ONE! ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!! He's smexy XD. Bleh, he'd kill me if he read this...maybe I should take it off sometime...T.T..._

_Weird shit: I get high off...random stuff. Like ice, for example. Yeah, I'm weird. So sue me._

Shishido smirked. "He wants to marry you."

Oshitari just stood there.

_If you know that there's no way ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried pot, just because it's not that easy to access, put this in your profile. _

_No matter how hard you try, you still run into things, copy and paste this into your profile._

_If you think Atobe's a retard and like, hates the world, copy and paste this into your profile._

"That's a good one."

_If you own Yuushi, do NOT copy and paste this onto your profile because if you do I will haunt you for the rest of your LIFE. Cause he's MINE._

Shishido twitched. "He's obsessive. Seriously."

**_Featured Quote of the Whenever I fucking feel like changing it. Cause I'm just lazy that way:_**

_"Fuck not with Fandom for Fandom fucks back and you can forget about the lube. Seriously"_

_**Random Shit:**_

_I know for a FACT that Kirihara is in love with Yukimura. No ifs, ands, or buts. You cannot argue with me because that pairing PWNS the world. Seriously. Oh, and Sanada, if you're ever reading this I'd think you were really weird cause you're a rock. So why should you be reading FanFiction anyways? Same goes to you Tezuka. Seriously_

_I abuse the word 'Seriously' too much, don't I? Seriously. There, I did it again._

_I absolutely LOVE Yuushi. You CANNOT go against that. AT ALL! But if he ever reads this I'd die. T.T But whatever. All's good XD_

_I ABSOLUTELY ABHORE MARY SUES AND RANDOM ABUSE! ESPECIALLY IF IT'S ROMAJI ABUSE CAUSE I'M JAPANESE! AND I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WRITING LIKE THIS:_

_"arigato gozayimas"_

_EWW!!! IT'S "ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!" I SHOULD KNOW!!!_

_Please go to Kirihara's profile. You'll understand some things._

_Bye!_

Shishido twitched again. "Well that's 15 minutes of my life that I'm never going to get back."

Oshitari just stood there.

"Dude, move."

"..."

"IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL! YOU'VE KNOWN ABOUT IT FOR LIKE, 3 YEARS ALREADY! JEEZ!"

Oshitari just shook his head.

"...I feel like I'm talking to a rock right now."

Just then Mukahi came back into the room. He turned on his own computer and began typing away.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"I'm sending Kirihara's profile to Yukimura."

Shishido banged his head on the table. "You're obsessed with those two, aren't you?"

Mukahi paused and turned to face Shishido. "How'd you know?"

Shishido rolled his eyes. "On your profile. What else?"

Mukahi's mouth opened and closed...but no sound came out.

"Dude, you were screaming out your username two days ago."

Mukahi made a strangled noise and turned to face Oshitari.

"Oh, and he knows EVERYTHING because he was reading it with me."

Mukahi bolted out of the room.

With Oshitari right behind him.

* * *

Kirihara was bouncing around the library. He suddenly saw Yukimura using one of the library's computers and bounced towards him. "MURA-BUCHOU!!!"

Yukimura turned around, a amused expression on his face. "Akaya, is this really true?"

Kirihara looked at the computer and froze. "Uh...it's a profile?"

"I can see that."

"Yeah...well about that...you see...it's like this..."

"The whole 'Yukimura's mine and you absolutely cannot take him away' thing?"

"Yeah...uh...so...500 laps? 600?"

"Nope." Yukimura smiled. "This."

What exactly happened?

Why, the start of a EXTRA LONG kissing scene, of course.

* * *

**Oh yes. The ending sucked. I was about to write fluff...but then I couldn't do it cause I sucked too much xD...**

**T.T I fail...**


End file.
